omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
