literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm too high and old for this...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
