Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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