I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
