Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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