If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
