The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
