You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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