I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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