He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize