420 ftw
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
