Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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