Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
