Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
