I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
