i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
