I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
