WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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