why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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