dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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