he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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