dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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