What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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