we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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