I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
