it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
