I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
