Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
