so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
