I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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