OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
