At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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