He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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