Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's blow job season.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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