I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
