i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
