His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
