grandma shit on top of the toilet
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
