Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
