Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
