is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
