she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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