the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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