Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
