Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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