Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This toilet bowl is my home.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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