the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
