i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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