i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
