So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
