I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
