a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
