my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
