I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
