Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
