you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
