i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
