I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize