not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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