I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
