ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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