am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
