too bad you live with your parents still
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
