Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
