I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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