You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize