So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize