i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
