Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize