i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
