he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
