Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
