I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
