apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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