I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
