Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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