he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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