I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
