Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
