McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
