I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
