her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
