Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
