my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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