There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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