Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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