Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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