I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
