found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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