i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
