I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
