got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
