She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
