My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize