have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
