He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
