I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize