what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
