OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
