I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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