I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
