I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
