Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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