omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
