I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
