TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
40s are totally the cure
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
