Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize