so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
