am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
