i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
