Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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