my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
