I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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