Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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